Today is the day that I acknoledged that I was liking this guy at my school. He wasn't just any ordinary guy, he was fun, he was also top of the class so he was very smart. Today last year was the day that I spent the night over at his house so that we could go to the beach the next day but some things happend before we went to beach. During that time this guy used to smoke Pot alot, but it wasn't just any old pot it was the most expensive, the best you can get and before we got ready to go he decided to smoke some and he offered me some aswell and well I decided to try it and with out noticing I was part of that world for the rest of the day, sitting on the couch next to him thinking about things that I never really thought about, lke what i would be doing right now if I was over at the desert, why I was here, how come I was doing this, should I really be doing this? Seeing that the world around me was going around in circles I had to stop doing that thinking about everything all at once. So I asked him if we could do something and he sujested the Beach but I was to peranoid from the pot to get out of the house. So then he sujested playing some games so we did. He tough me how to play Guitar Hero I it was the best I had alot of fun I don't quite remember how long we played but by the time I remembered it was already sun set. During this time we got hungry so he took me to this chinese restaurant called the Golden Chopsticks It was my first time there so I got the ussual Steamed rice with BBQ chicken and some deep fried crab it was the best chinese I have had in the longest time. But before we had ate he took me to this spot where We could see the whole city from and then we ate in his car called Remmy, it was a green, Dodge, the car looked alot like this huge tank it was big enough to fit about 10 people in there comstrably. After we finished eating we went back to his house and we stayed up until about 9. During the last couple of hours we stayed up we spent it in the garage of his place. He smoked his bull for the rest of the night and we sat all the way at the back on this very old couch I started to read and while I was ready he nealed on the shoulder almost like he wanted to coddle. I didn't feel uncromstrable so I went along, sooner then later I kissed him on the couch. Our first kiss, it was definetly something else. Also learning that he wasn't much of a kisser and also the fact that he was wearing a lip ring it was definetly an expirience because it was my first time kissing someone with a lip ring. And also very messy. Catching ourselfs we kind of panicked and apologized. During this time we went to the kitchen and started to talk about school and what we have done together for the quarter. Right after we finished talking we ended upp watching the Television and I asked him if I could stay with him over night and he said yes so I got the extra clothes that I had in my car and got comstrable. during this time I found out that he slept on the floor of the living room. It was definetly a surprise, ut it was fine I had my laptop right next to me because I couldn't sleep, so I started listening to music. Able to fall asleep finally. During the time we where asleep I found out that He was a very big cuddler. He would not leave my side for anything. I was glad because that house got very cold at night. The next day we went to this arcade and plaied a couple of games and before I knew it we had to get back to his place because it was time for me to go back home. I had to work that day. But before I left I asked him if I could maybe come back the tonight because we both had school the next day and he said yeah thats fine. Well on my way back from work to his house I started to think about what had happend and it did't bother me one bit. Once I got to his place he had made some dinner for us I was impressed because alot of my ex-boyfriends didn't know how to cook with out someone there. So that made me very happy indeed. After we finished eating we started talking about what we had to do for the next day and the conversation somehow got switched to the day before and how he was sorry that we where not able to go to the beach. But I had told him that it was okay I just needed to get away from what was at home and I ad the courage to ask him if he liked me for more then just friends. He thought about it but ith a huge grin he said yes. I don't know why it surprised me but it did a bit and there was a bit of a pause and he asked me well about you do you like me for more then just friends. There was a long pause after that and I told him " Yes, Arthur I really do like you."

He smiled like a little kid had just gotten Candy and he gave me this huge Hug.

It has been a while my love since you have been on.

But like butterflies you are always wondering in place.

Sometimes I wonder whether you are really here or not.

I'm worried

For you might take another step outside and leave me behind.

Please tell me whats in your mind?

I love you!

Well I had the interview yesterday and yes I was very nervous, but I also think that I was the only female interviewing!!! so I guess it was a plus. But I got the offer!!!! so once I graduate with a 3.0 above average and I have the job!!! so around June right after graduation I'm going to go to Everete,Washington. Together with arthur and also another class mate will be going up there well atleast with the people that I know that is!!! eekk I'm so happy this would make one step forward for both arthur and I in our careers!! this is awsome!!

Well lets see for recent news. Arthur and I have been thinking about getting a job with Boeing, an airplane design company. And if we get hired; then we will have to move to Seattle, Washington. I'm actually looking forward to go and see this. because I know for a fact that arthur will get hired so if he does then we will go and i will finish my schooling over there and hopefully get a nice job and if he is able to stay over there for 2 years then we will be able to move back to California with the same company. I just really hope that this is able to work out because if this does then I and arthur will be closer to out goals.

Today we went over to Arthur;s friends house Alfonse I really don't care that much because we go there and watch anime that we just rented and then after words we go and plaay Halo 3 for the rest of the stay. The only thing that does bother me though is that they sit there and smoked two to three bols just watching an anime...and it isn't anything crappy either ther really good pot, according to them... I couldn't stand it; it smelled horrible I was getting a head ache just sitting there and very nausiated so I did the best thing that I could do for myself I excused my self and went out side I couldn't stand it anymore I had to get out and get fresh air... I got really disgusted and I really don't know why. I mean I always saw them do that all of the time they spend together 'cause they had been doing that scince they knew each other but today it was like enough already do they really have to do that eac and everytime we go there I just can't stand it. It bothers me so very much. I think it because Arthur said that he wans't going to do that anymore and then he just goes ahead and does it with his friend. it would be like me saying that I do not drink anymore but I still drink wine on the table with dinner every night... I feel really sad and teary everytime I think about it. It gives me a head ache.

Ive been thinking to much about things I need to really clear my head comepletly
Sometimes or alot of the time I wish that I could forget it all and start from the begenning
but the only way to do that is to die
playing games, laughing, trying to move on
my mind hurts from all the moggle in my past life
I feel like crying when ever I am alone and think about things that will never happen again

For the best?
or for the worse eiter way its all gone

Hated Friends

SALVADOR OCHOA

A destruction of his soul, pride and lust for following me to school and making my anger come out at my place of peace

Amber Fowler

Questions of why she tried so hard when I was helping her to atleast try and be a better person

Father

For not beign there for me when I most needed you and leaving my family in the dust and filling me up with abuse of both body and mind


Ian

For beign annoying and not following your own foot steps and for not becoming a better boy not man

Adam

For not beign able to understand to leave a person alone when they need to be alone, but now who is the hated one.


Believed to be my friends

Tony

Thank you For beign my little brother and helping me when I ask for your voice

Mom

For everything that you ever did for me and Tony I thank you, I cannot ask for anything else

Alfonse

Thank you for making me comfortable enough when around you and Arthur, you make me laugh like no other.

Luise

A girl with your talent I'm suprised arthur didn't go out with you, but I thank you for helping him in his rough times in highschool and in life

Arthur

A great love, my passion cannot be compared to any other, thank you for helping me in school and to become a better woman both for you and myself

Second mother, Ofelia

Your a great woman to talk to, even if you are a piece of work >.<

Sheri, Danny

I learned alot from watching you and your relationship, Thank you for the lessons of money sheri I'll keep that with me always -_-

Maxwell

Even though your sick with your sexual life, I appreaciate the little learning I had with you when I was your student for tai-qwon-do ( and I still have problems writing this word)

Shutter

A great sensei you where and still are I only wish i could still go to those kendo classes but I'm still very far away to keep on going there every weekend.

Madeline ( Aquaintace or friend)

Now that you are together with maxwell I'm still not sure why you started to talk to me on myspace but I wish you good luck and hopefully we'll be able to talk alot more

Friends or exlover?

Jacob alvarez

now in jail there is no way I could talk to you but good luck in your ....uhg... future life?

Noah earhart

I have no idea where you are or whats become of you I just hope that you have a happy life and maybe we'll come in contact with each other and laugh about the old times

Josh

It isn't good to talk about the dead

Justin

An ass you where, but still very charming and somewhat smart?? I have no idea why i dated you but I hope that I never come accros your soul again

Dustin white

It was questionable why it happend but i certainly had alot of problems after word from the girl on whom you cheated on her with me. For some odd reason i know that we will cross paths again but I hope that never happends

Devin

I never knew your last name. I just know that you left me behind and I never saw you again

Sal

I just hope you rott in hell from what you have done to me from both in the past and for whats to come in the future

Maxwell Palau

Even though we never got to date, I'm glad that you and I never went to those extends 'cause I think as a friend you are enough of a person to get me pissed off XD ( heh)

Carlos Velez

You are a great person but sometimes I wonder if you ever grew to hate me. I wonder how you are doing a little to much, I wonder if you and I will ever be able to talk and play that blasted video game that you got me hocked enough on to get my own game to play as Negase, Unlocked almost everything I could unlock. I'm left in wonder if you and I will ever be able to become just friends.

Yoshua Roden

An emotional rolercoaster of drama was all I left from my relationship with you but I was still able to grow love for you. I hope that you are doing well in Florida and that someday you will be able to meet your father and get cought up with him.

I try my best but most of the time my best is not the greatests
Another time I feel sad
most of the time I'm fulfilled
but....
School is a pain, some not desired has shown up but now
But now I have to idea what to do with him around
my hatred is rising everyday
I can't just ignore him
Everytime I see him I feel this hugefire inside ready to kill just at any moment
I need help

I FINALLY GOT A JOB YAYYYYY!!!!!!! now i can finally help my mother with the car payment and I will be able to get my own stuff without arthur helping me oh Yay i'm happy now!!!!!

Going down the black wh ole and its getting harder and harder to get out
I feel blank and silenced alot
with no one to really call my own but my self
lonely and thoughtfull Ive become with each every passing moment
what should I do where should I go
what have I become

Anoter time
another age
tomorrow it could change
but right now I wish i could be in my dreams